If Soccer Teams Were Women

If soccer teams were women:
  - Orlando Pirates is the love of my life, my main chick. I love her with all my heart, even though she makes me cry every now and then.  But when the chips are down, I can always depend on her
  - Kaizer Chiefs is the pretty, dumb girl in the neighbourhood who thinks she's all that because the taxi drivers are always hooting at her. She's been wanting me her whole life and she hates my main chick coz she doesn't understand what my main chick has that she doesn't. But besides her cheap weave, fake eyelashes and short skirt, she doesn't have anything of substance to offer
  - Mamelodi Sundowns is the daughter of the rich family. She drives the latest BMW but has been stuck in grade 10 for the past 4 years
  - Lamontville Golden Arrows and AmaZulu are my side chicks. They're cheap and easy. I use them for booty calls whenever I visit Durban and my main chick isn't around
  - Moroka Swallows is the cougar. She used to be very hot back in the day but has now depreciated.  She used to date my uncle and now she wants me to be her Ben10. Anever shame
  - Chippa United is the girl who thinks she deserves to be my girlfriend just because we go to church together. She's always sending me bible verses and asking if we can pray together. But besides her religion,  she's an empty vessel
  - Jomo Cosmos is the village bicycle, everybody uses her to practice their shooting skills. She never loses hope of finding Prince Charming though
  - Supersport United is the township nerd. Nobody takes any notice of her until she buys her parents a brand new house. Everybody admires her but nobody likes her
  - Bayern Munich is my celebrity crush. She's perfect in every way and is every guy's dream girl, just that she's unattainable.  I daydream about her whenever my main chick is giving me headaches
  - Bafana Bafana is my crazy baby mama. She's always giving me pain and heartache but I can't get away from her. We're stuck for life and my happiness is linked with her happiness,  unfortunately :(