There's a lot of things that we, black people, do in the name of culture, tradition or custom but other than that we're not really sure why we do them, or how they benefit us. Sometimes we're not sure if they benefit us in any way at all, but we still do them for old time's sakes. Also, you'll find that there's a lot of people out there who confuse tradition with habit. Most of the time this doesn't bother me much, because generally people are the masters of their own destinies, and whatever they do in the name of culture only affects them or their immediate families, nobody else. But then there are times when the effect is far reaching.
This is highlighted the most when there's a death in the family. This is one of those instances when, in my eyes, the communal spirit of the African shows its negative side. Because this when the troubles of the family of the deceased are multiplied. For example, suppose that somebody dies on a Monday. This will typically be buried on a Saturday, sometimes on a Sunday, depending on religious inclination. Then one or more of the older women in the family will be required to sit on a mattress of reed mat, probably in the main bedroom, until the day of burial. Fair enough, people mourn in different way. Which, of course, brings us to the mourners.
From the day that people hear of the passing, they will start visiting the family to offer their respects and condolences. A noble act this, and one which I encourage and do myself when the need arises. You'll have relatives who will come and take up temporary residence in the house, until after the funeral. And friends and neighbours will come daily to offer prayers. And in some circles, on the night before the funeral, there'll be a huge prayer service which will last the whole night.
But now here's the sad part: these visiting relatives who have taken up permanent residence, and some of the friends, will expect the family of the deceased to provide for their needs while they are mourning with them. I have never ever understood this from the day I could differentiate my ears from my nose. People will just pack their bags from wherever they are and come to the house and expect a place to sleep, water to shower with and breakfast, lunch and supper everyday!! And the friends who come to offer prayers, some of them will not leave until they have received food, or biscuits and soda at the very least. If they do leave without receiving this, they will complain no end, and will probably not be coming back the next day for prayer. And then there's the relatives, who are a much bigger cost centre. Because they require a place to sleep, food everyday (good food, otherwise you'll be the butt of every joke for your frugality) and everything else that comes with being part of the family. If you're lucky, they'll contribute towards all of these things by buying food and actually being useful around the house. And those who come to offer prayers will leave money in the offering plate. But from what I've seen this is seldom the case, and you'll be lucky to see more that R20 in the offering plate (yes, I look).
Then there's the day of the funeral, where the family will again be expected to provide food for all who come to attend. On the surface, there's also nothing wrong here. Its quite normal to slaughter a cow or sheep for a funeral, has been happening since forever. But these days this has taken an ugly turn itself. Simple cow meat is no longer adequate. People want three course meals for funerals. They want to be entertained by singers. They want to sit and eat using the very best materials. And most families feel obliged to provide all of these things, AT THEIR OWN COST!! And this will go on until a few days after the funeral. The relatives will stay a bit longer, and the friends will keep on coming to offer prayers. And the lucky family will keep feeding them. At their own cost.
I have talked to many people about this and surprisingly, many support these practices. People just do not mind going through these costs, if it means they will "stage" a funeral which people will talk about for days. That's why you see people hiring cameramen to film the funeral. Even if it means going into debt to reach this end. Some see it as honouring the deceased. But how is the deceased honoured if the family is left in debt because of him? How is the deceased honoured if his children can no longer get what they need because all the money he was saving for them went towards entertaining mourners? Of course, if you can afford all of this comfortably go right ahead, but where is the sense in loading yourself with even more trouble, when the death should be trouble enough? Maybe I'm too modernised to understand the antics of our elders. I just think that we, black people, need to change the way we think on so many levels if we want to enjoy the freedoms that this country offers. And funeral practices is just one way of looking at this.
I rest,
Mzwa
