I've been thinking a lot recently about the male ego. This was triggered by the recent story of a fatal road rage incident between a driver and a biker in Randburg.
The male ego is a fascinating thing. It is perhaps singularly responsible for the bulk of societal problems we face today, as well as a lot of the progress too. But I am most interested with how irrational it is, and yet it defines masculinity totally. Just think of the First 4 Women insurance ads (which, as stereotypical as they are, are so true). In the one ad, one guy is playing darts when the other guy puts his hand on the dartboard and dares him to shoot. Even though he gets his hand painfully pierced, he's still pleased with himself because he proved he can take a part to the hand, and looks around for approval. Imagine!!
While this is funny, it underlies a worrying aspect: the tendency of men in general to endanger themselves and those around them for the sole purpose of getting 'props' and no other reason. Just to show that you're 'The Man', king of your castle. It is most likely a legacy of past times, when women chose their mates based on who was physically stronger and dominant (still to be observed on Animal Planet today). The aim is to shake your wang in the faces of all other males in your vicinity, show them yours is biggest. So this is a primal instinct, equally genetic as it is taught.
But I think its time that we as men got smart and mature about this. For example, that road rage story: is there any reason why lives had to be lost there? Was there even supposed to be a confrontation at all? Sure, one or both of the men drove like an asshole, happens all the time on South African. Has anything ever come from someone confronting the other driver? When you choose to step out of your car to fight the other man, is the objective for the other guy to start driving better, or to just express your anger and get on with your life?
This is a bigger problem than simple road rage. Every week we hear stories of a man killing his entire family because he found out his wife/girlfriend wants to leave. He doesn't necessarily kill his family because of heartbreak or love (if that was the case, we'd all be murderers). Its a betrayal of the ego. He feels like less of a man for being unable to keep his wife submissive to him, he thinks of what his friends at the shebeen will say. The way he views himself as a macho man has been challenged, and thus everything around him must be destroyed. Because if his ego is touched, nothing else matters, not even his family or future. In other instances, a man tries to get a lady's attention and if she turns him down she must be raped. His ego was touched and he has to reassert his authority by destroying her life, to save his ego. There are countless other examples I can cite.
At some point this is a conversation that we need to tackle as men. Are we content to allow our lives to be short lived for the sake of feeling manly? Are we so insecure in how we value ourselves as men, that we are willing to sacrifice it all if our manliness is challenged? Who defines what a man is, how we care for those we love or how macho we look in the eyes of society? Is your self esteem so feeble, that it can only be defined in violence and blood? Its a tough conversation, but in this day and age tackling it head on is the brave & courageous thing to do. We are also raising future men, after all. Surely we don't want our sons to also sacrifice their lives on the altar of patriarchy.
Patriarchy. That's the word. That's the bull which has to be grabbed by the horns. But I've written enough, this is a topic for another day.
I rest.
No comments:
Post a Comment