IsiZulu Soqobo

A lesson in Higher Grade isiZulu, courtesy of writer Ndumiso Ngcobo. Feel free to use the following words at will, you'll earn yourself immediate respect among the citizens of the Zulu Kingdom, the Empire in the Heavens :)

-Ukhophokanethi - one whose eyelashes never get rained on. This refers to an individual with a forehead which juts out of her skull like my friend Sphongo.

-Umzimb'obongayo - one whose body gives thanks. This refers to an individual of gigantic proportions such as my tub of lard of a friend we call Riba.

-Isinqandamathe - one who catches your saliva. This is your significant other. No need to go into the sordid details.

-Ukhandalimtshelokwakhe - one whose head tells him rubbish. We knew about such things long before Sigmund Freud and his disciples recognised the fact that some people's behaviour is governed by voices in their heads. This word describes sociopathic individuals who wreak havoc within society.

-Ilambalidlile - one who looks hungry after eating. Long jump Olympic medallist, Khotso Mokoena is a perfect example of this; bulky frame with a sinewy waist.

-Uthwalitshe - he who is perpetually carrying a boulder. I hate this word because it's what I was called many a time in school playgrounds throughout my life to describe the fact that I am well-endowed above the shoulders.

-Umgod'onganukwanja - a hole that even dogs don't sniff at. This is a cruel word describing a woman who doesn't seem to attract suitors. Ouch.

-Insuzelakude - one who emits flatulence from afar. This word describes an individual who the ancestors have blessed with an impressive set of gluteus maximus muscles. It's a word that a prominent TV football analyst once employed to describe the current Bafana Bafana coach Pitso Mosimane during his playing days over 20 years ago.

Ngiyayigoba (I rest),

Mzwandile